Thursday, May 26, 2016

For the Days When You Don't Have Enough Time.....



It's late, and I'm hungry.
But since we've been a strict diet for a while {due to sickness}, it's not too easy to take care of the hunger.
I could go cook something for myself, but I'm feeling too lazy to do so, and since the other options are fruits or vegetables {neither of which I feel like eating right now}, I guess I'll just sit here and try not to think about my stomach.


After meal times on this diet, I feel the opposite. A meal full of proteins and healthy fats fills me right up, to the point that I don't want snacks afterward.
I'm satisfied.



That's where I've been for a while -- swinging between almost stuffed to stomach-gnawing-on-my-backbone-starving......and more than in just the food I eat.


I've stopped writing lists {though I love them}, because instead of helping me, they overwhelm me.
When I put on paper the things I need to accomplish in a single day, I want to quit before I start.
If nobody needed to eat, or wear clean clothes, or learn anything, that might help, but nobody seems to like those ideas when I mention them.


My temptation when the lists get long {whether on paper or in my head} is to start looking for things I can cut out.
Usually I start by scooting things to the bottom of the list that can wait until later.
I want to get as many quick things done first as possible.


That way, I can cross things off my list and feel like I'm more in control.
Less on the list?
I've got this!


But I know myself.
I also delay the things that I feel take up more time.
Bible reading takes time.
Prayer takes time.
Trust me.....I've tried to squeeze them into very tight slots.
They don't fit.


Counting the gifts of today takes time.
Reading stories with my girls takes time.



Loving my husband takes time.
Discipling takes time.
Making that phone call, sending that text, writing that note {much less getting it to the post office!}, answering that email all take time.
So they get pushed to the bottom of the paper, the back of the mind, for the day when I'm going to magically have more of this time I don't have right now.


The funny thing is that God's ways are upside-down and inside-out.
They don't follow the laws of nature.
They like to follow what I call the Law of Opposites: die to live, give to get, to be rich be poor, love those that hate you, answer angry word with quiet ones, poor out to be filled.


I'm learning that the longer I follow my carnal way of thinking, removing all the intangibles for things I can grab onto and wrestle off my list, the longer the list seems to grow, the weaker I become, and the less time I have.
While I think I'm saving myself time, it's actually slipping through my fingers.


When I'm empty, hungry, dried-up, I have nothing to give.
To pour out myself into today, I must have something inside.
To have something inside, I have to go to my only source of real strength -- my God and His Word.


I'm a slow learner, for even when I start to feel the gnawing hunger, the deep thirst, I often want to look for another way to be satisfied....
a trip to the park,
some alone time,
time to relax,
even special food.


But deep down, the Holy Spirit keeps sounding the truth.
I don't need an escape; I need to be captured.
I don't need to be filled with food; I need to be filled with Him.
I don't need me-time; I need quiet time.
I don't need to relax; I need to work to find Truth.


And as I lay my overwhelmed and underfed soul at His feet, He gently fills me up again, so I can be daily spilled out in the work He has called me to do.....
a vessel fit for His use.

2 comments:

  1. I like it when you call it The Law of Opposites. I always called it The Backwardness of God - subtitled, The Ways of God, The Backwardness of Man. It seems like such a tough one to learn and really apply. And I seem to spend my life trying to nail it down securely so I don't veer off, but haven't achieved it yet. But at least I understood it more, once I named it and defined it.
    Some days I imagine I've moved into your house so I can help you, but with my disabilities and my old age, I then see me ended up as a wet noodle slumped down in the corner of the room because of the heat. And then I realize, I could have been praying for you! Another backwardness of man. I veered off again! Please forgive me. And thank you for reminding me.

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  2. Lovely, true, convicting. Thank you!

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