Thursday, April 28, 2016

For the Days When You Wish Your Perfect Someday Would Come....

We've been passing through some dark valleys here in our little spot on the globe.
Shadowy days and black-as-pitch nights have been the new norm around here.
A rigid diet, herbal teas, fevers, pains, fatigue, vomiting, black-outs ~ these are part of my tired brain's whirling thoughts hour after hour.

Our family has been stuck in a cycle of lingering illness for almost two months, and when you are a family that never {or at least hardly ever} gets sick, that's hard.

On top of the sickness, our days' work lists have been miles long as the Lord has given us a number of extra ways to serve Him in these last few months.
I try to smile as I look at the school calendar and wonder how we're going to finish this year's schooling, much less finish it well.

As I roll out of bed in the mornings, still tired after long, hot nights without electricity, and lots of trips with little ones to the bathroom, I wish for all of this to be past.

If we could all just get better....
Once all the newbies are settled....
When John and I get more than two minutes to talk to each other....
I'll do something fun with the girls when.....
We'll just push through a few more days of school, because we've got to get this done....
In a few more weeks when we can eat what we want...

These are the thoughts on repeat all day, every day.

The problem with this way of thinking, though, is that I don't know when things are going to change.
I don't know when life is going to be "normal" again....whatever that means, anyways!

Maybe God will allow this physical malady to trouble us for another six months.
Maybe the new missionaries will need more help than we ever imagined.
Maybe our schedule will continue to be so full that John and I only get two minutes at a time to talk to each other, school won't get done any faster, and there will be no way to fit in some extra fun things with my kiddos.
Maybe we'll be stuck on this strict diet and swallowing these bitter concoctions forever.

The real crux of the matter is that I don't know the future.
That brings me to one of two choices: I can find ways to rejoice in today, or I can keep waiting for that perfect *someday* that may or may not ever show up.

I grab my extra eye, and I begin walking through my house, searching for things to be thankful for, to help me find joy in this moment....

I find drawings, and doodles, and stacks of books....
Imaginations sketched out all over paper....
Lumps of clay kneaded into tiny figures....
Sunlight dappling a favorite gift....
Patchwork, and weavings, and candles, and beads, and paintings all catching the light so that they glow...
A tiny moss rose blooming on the porch...

As I hunt and count, the heaviness lifts from my heart, and the dullness lifts from my mind.
Yes, even in these hard days, I can rejoice!

In the hardest of moments I'm surrounded by God's goodness, if I'll but open my eyes to it.
So today I choose.
I choose to rejoice and be glad in this day.
It's the only one I know I have.
Better days may or may not come, but if I open my hands wide to this day, I will receive the gift that it is.

* Yes, our family has been down sick for quite some time with a serious illness, and the Lord has given us a lot to do in recent months. I did not share this to gain sympathy or answers. I simply hope that maybe somebody else might be encouraged to accept their *today*, whatever it looks like.


  1. Dad and I are praying for you, John and our precious grand babies! We praise the Lord that He is there with you every step of the way and though we don't understand all that He is doing or has planned, nothing has caught Him by surprise. We know He love you all more then we can even imagine. We love and miss you all so very much!! All our love, Dad and Mom Sommer

  2. I hope you all get to feeling better soon. I will pray for you. Busyness alone can get one down when there is no let up. Then to add sickness on top of it. Thank you for the reminder to look for the beautiful in my day.

  3. Patty, this is beautiful. Look for beauty in the midst of it. Yes!!!! Hugs and prayers for your family and for the newbies.

  4. Lifting you up today. Completely understand. This is a timely post. Maria

  5. Years ago I had a flu with similar length of time that only 6 people in our county had. And now my husband is *hopefully* at the end of nearly 2 months of illness as well, but not with all the symptoms your family has. But he did have to go in for a big bag of 2 hours of IV. And we're in Washington state. The doctor said a lot of people have gotten it and for him to not give it to me. I told the doctor my husband is very stingy in that area. So the doctor told him to keep being stingy. Unless I misunderstood, I hope everyone has been stingy enough that you and your husband don't get it. I'm elderly and I've been tired from doing all his tasks and mine too during this time. But I am fortunate, he's old enough and more mature than I am and has complained only a wee tiny bit. He started feeling better two days ago and I am holding my breath for today. We will try to venture out to the store TOGETHER today. Hope it's not too soon. He's had plenty of setbacks trying to do anything. We sure never knew it would last so long, so we started praying for everyone who has it as well. I'm thankful God is using some of our prayers on your behalf. This was a powerful blog. I thank God for you that you can be a missionary to me as well. Blessings and hugs to you.

  6. Praying for you all!
    Thankyou for bring real and sharing such a beautiful way of looking at now.
    Tracy V.L.