Tuesday, January 13, 2015

For the Days {Or Year} When All Seems Dark.......


Some years start out bursting with excitement and anticipation.
And other years?
They loom ahead filled with a vague sense of foreboding, leaving one to wonder what might be waiting around the bend.


Since the turn of this year I've struggled with a nagging worry, a pull towards doubt about what this year may hold.
I have no valid reason to think this way, yet it is a path my mind keeps treading, a rut I seem to keep slipping back into.

I pull out my camera to hunt for the beauty, but almost by force I keep clicking the nob back into the harsh lights of black and white.
My will and my emotions see-saw back and forth, one on top and then the other.



It suits my life right now, this gritty film grain.
These moments I'm living right now feel more like a slow-motion, stop-gap, old family film reel than an exciting modern production.
My days are filled with small things: breakfasts, messes, prayers, toys, books, baths, laughs, sighs, tears, crayons, screams, colds, dust, wind, bubbles, pencils, snacks, homework, toes, naps.
Some things heavy; some things light.
Some things dark; some things bright.





As the days march on, I keep snapping, searching, grasping for truth.
It feels hard to come by.
I read.
I pray.
I thank.
I praise.
I chase.
I hope.

I also fear.
I doubt.
I fall.
I worry.
I stumble.




I want everything to stop feeling so hard, the doubts to vanish, and the fears to fly away.
I want life to be full color, with butterflies flitting, birds singing, and the sweet scent of flowers filling the air.
I want to be living in a musical, and it feels at best like I'm living in an old, weighty documentary.



But as I start to look through my collection of photographs at the end of an hour,
my thankfulness list at the end of a day,
and my devotional journal at the end of a week,
my perspective begins to shift.



Yes, the skies are dark and heavy.
Yes, everything is covered with a layer of dust and grit.
Yes, life feels a bit lacking, a bit gray, a bit dry.......



But the light beams the brightest when everything around is the darkest!
The most beautiful pictures are those that have both light and dark.

I see the twinkle in an eye,
the flash of a smile,
the shimmer of a bubble.

I catch reflections, glimmers, and shadows.
But most of all, I'm reminded that a life with no contrast would be a dull life indeed.
So today I sit in the dark and give thanks for the light.

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful, as always, Patty. I love your statements about perspective. When we look towards the Light, we find it. Light changes everything. Great post, and amazing photography.

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  2. Will be praying for you, Patty! Definitely know what those days (weeks, months) feel like! Love you all, and miss you much!

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  3. Hi, Patty. This post was such a blessing to me. Do mind if I link to it from my blog?

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    1. You are more than welcome to, Jessi! I've been wondering how to get into your "secret blog club" so I could see how your family was doing from time to time ;)

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