Tuesday, January 13, 2015

For the Days {Or Year} When All Seems Dark.......

Some years start out bursting with excitement and anticipation.
And other years?
They loom ahead filled with a vague sense of foreboding, leaving one to wonder what might be waiting around the bend.

Since the turn of this year I've struggled with a nagging worry, a pull towards doubt about what this year may hold.
I have no valid reason to think this way, yet it is a path my mind keeps treading, a rut I seem to keep slipping back into.

I pull out my camera to hunt for the beauty, but almost by force I keep clicking the nob back into the harsh lights of black and white.
My will and my emotions see-saw back and forth, one on top and then the other.

It suits my life right now, this gritty film grain.
These moments I'm living right now feel more like a slow-motion, stop-gap, old family film reel than an exciting modern production.
My days are filled with small things: breakfasts, messes, prayers, toys, books, baths, laughs, sighs, tears, crayons, screams, colds, dust, wind, bubbles, pencils, snacks, homework, toes, naps.
Some things heavy; some things light.
Some things dark; some things bright.

As the days march on, I keep snapping, searching, grasping for truth.
It feels hard to come by.
I read.
I pray.
I thank.
I praise.
I chase.
I hope.

I also fear.
I doubt.
I fall.
I worry.
I stumble.

I want everything to stop feeling so hard, the doubts to vanish, and the fears to fly away.
I want life to be full color, with butterflies flitting, birds singing, and the sweet scent of flowers filling the air.
I want to be living in a musical, and it feels at best like I'm living in an old, weighty documentary.

But as I start to look through my collection of photographs at the end of an hour,
my thankfulness list at the end of a day,
and my devotional journal at the end of a week,
my perspective begins to shift.

Yes, the skies are dark and heavy.
Yes, everything is covered with a layer of dust and grit.
Yes, life feels a bit lacking, a bit gray, a bit dry.......

But the light beams the brightest when everything around is the darkest!
The most beautiful pictures are those that have both light and dark.

I see the twinkle in an eye,
the flash of a smile,
the shimmer of a bubble.

I catch reflections, glimmers, and shadows.
But most of all, I'm reminded that a life with no contrast would be a dull life indeed.
So today I sit in the dark and give thanks for the light.


  1. Beautiful, as always, Patty. I love your statements about perspective. When we look towards the Light, we find it. Light changes everything. Great post, and amazing photography.

  2. Will be praying for you, Patty! Definitely know what those days (weeks, months) feel like! Love you all, and miss you much!

  3. Hi, Patty. This post was such a blessing to me. Do mind if I link to it from my blog?

    1. You are more than welcome to, Jessi! I've been wondering how to get into your "secret blog club" so I could see how your family was doing from time to time ;)