Here I sit at the computer again with millions of thoughts whirling through my brain. Thoughts of how I'd love to post more....how I'd love to write about fun things....what I'd get accomplished if I could just ditch the "things-that-must-be-done" and do the "things-I-want-to-do"...
But, no. I try to type some of those things, but my mind and fingers won't let me. Not today. I keep going back to one thought. The word that is consuming me at the moment.
Since I started this blog to talk about my life as a missionary wife and mommy, then I guess I feel obligated to include not only the fun posts, but also the posts about what I face on a day-to-day basis.
This may sound a little melancholy, but really, that's not my intention. The word that keeps tumbling round and round in my brain is the word contentment.
Not a bad word, mind you, but not an easy word, either!
When we started planning this furlough, this was a subject John and I talked about often. We knew how easily we fell into the trap of always wanting more the last time we were on furlough. We didn't want to do that this time around.
When we first arrived in the States, we were simply overwhelmed with all that was available to us. We bought the necessities and were content. And then we started to see a little something here and a little something there. Not bad things, not too much, just a little here and a little there.
And since God is good, He often doesn't let us get too far down that path before posting a big, bright warning sign. BE CAREFUL! Watch where your desires are taking you!
And then come the words....are you content?
Are you content not to buy new clothes?
Are you content not to eat that food you don't need?
Are you content with the things I (God) have given you?
Are you content with no new toys/crafts/books?
Are you content with quiet days?
Are you content with just loving your family?
Are you content to stay home and not be out doing something new?
And then comes the harder questions...
Are you content if these things don't change?
Are you content to accept what I (God) give you and nothing more?
And then the hardest of all...
Are you content with Me?
That one hurts.
Please don't misunderstand. God has been so good to us. Not only has He given us life and health, He has blessed us with more things than I can count.
But that little hissing voice still comes...
"If you just had this dress..."
"If you just bought that toy for your girls..."
"If you just had less responsibilities..."
"If your life could be just like so-and-so's..."
And every time, the answer must be NO!
The battlefield is my mind, and I can either take control of my thoughts or they will take control of me.
And so I let that word keep tumbling round and round my brain. And I keep my eyes open for the traps. And when that voice comes that's full of doubt and questions, I choose to fight. I fight with the most powerful weapon I've got - God's Word.
And I choose to be content.